3 Things I'll Miss About Xanga

July 23, 2013, 10:26 pm

≫ Next: 3 Things I Won't Miss About Xanga

It looks like there's only a week left to go until the Xangapocalypse, so here's 3 things I'll miss most about this site.

Xanga Drama

Some loved it, some hated it. Put me in the "loved it" category. Xanga just seemed more alive when people were going at each other's throats and dragging the rest of the Xangasphere into it. One person would start shit, and then there would be a dozen posts responding to it, and then dozens more responding to those. Good times. Too bad DearRicky is probably dead by now.

Attention

Not going to lie, I'm an online attention whore. It was oodles of fun, especially in the Golden Age of Xanga when I could garner views in the thousands and I'd have pages of comments, and it gets pretty intoxicating. It's not often that you can reach so many readers and broadcast a message like that. Alas, those days are gone, and now I'd be lucky to crack 200 views and 5 comments. I find that, the less traffic I get, the less motivated I am to put out new content, and even then, it's not very motivated or inspired writing. I suppose this is what a performer feels like with a packed stadium vs rows of empty seats.

Asian Girls

Nuff said

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3 Things I Won't Miss About Xanga

July 24, 2013, 3:46 pm

≫ Next: Xanga Route 66

≪ Previous: 3 Things I'll Miss About Xanga

My last post got 13 comments and only 1 view. Yup, that makes total sense...

In any case, here's 3 things I won't miss when the Xangapocalypse happens.

The Malaysian Conspiracy

Actually, this pretty much goes for anyone that's had a fake profile, be it the Malaysian Family (isn't it weird how they all happened to quit Xanga at the exact same time?), Loborn, Aimvpr, guys that use hot Asian girls as their profile pics, etc. An online community requires a certain level of trust that people are who they say they are, and these folks abused that trust for amusement, a cheap tourist trap, or because they're sick in the head.

Spam

We all hated it. Whether it was selling watches or Nigerian princesses telling us how much they admire us, Xanga always had a hard time filtering out the spam. The only remedy I ever found was going Friends Lock.

I Once Dated a Girl Named Christine

If it takes Xanga shutting down to finally put an end to the most overrated post ever, then so be it. Seriously, that shit was written in 2005 and somehow, it's still getting recs to this day. In fact, at my last count, it had 674 recs, 351 facebook likes, and 47,739 views. How the fuck are people still finding this thing? AAAARRRGGGHHH!!

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Xanga Route 66

July 28, 2013, 6:51 pm

≫ Next: Goodbye Coolmonkey

≪ Previous: 3 Things I Won't Miss About Xanga

Many of us here might be too young to remember, but there used to be a Route 66 in America that linked Chicago all the way to California. But it got outdated and was decommissioned in favor of the interstate system. As a result, many once-prosperous towns were turned into ghost towns when Route 66, vital to their economies, was rerouted.

I find it fitting that the end of Route 66 ends in Santa Monica, California, a mere 40 minute drive from me. It even has a sign that says it.

Whether or not Xanga survives past 7/31, it's the end of the trail for the Xanga as we know it. Our site is a victim of both mismanagement and time simply passing it by. The only thing left is to put things into perspective. You could view this site as one of the many ghost towns left in the dust to be forgotten,

Or you can view the end of the trail as an opportunity for a new beginning.

I'll see you guys at the beach.

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Goodbye Coolmonkey

July 30, 2013, 8:08 am

≫ Next: Coolmonkey Returns

≪ Previous: Xanga Route 66

So it's now at the 11th hour, and the Xanga Gods have remained silent. If this site shuts down unceremoniously, then that's a pretty dick move, especially to all the folks that placed so much faith in them (I was not one of them). We deserved better than this.

But let's just say there is a last second miracle and Xanga 2 does relaunch, it will still be end the of the line for my Coolmonkey blog. It's about time I retire this persona and move on like so many others have already. Besides, everyone else has left, so it's hardly any fun here anymore.

I don't think there's anything left for me to say that I haven't already said throughout the protracted 8 week death of Xanga 1. The only thing left I can think of is...

Good bye.

And if you're lurking, just comment with a "goodbye." It might be your last chance to do so.

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Coolmonkey Returns

August 7, 2013, 6:24 pm

≫ Next: Deus Ex Machina

≪ Previous: Goodbye Coolmonkey

When I made my "Goodbye Coolmonkey" post last week, I was still under the impression that, come 7/31, Xanga would either be shut down or transitioned over to Xanga 2. In which case, Coolmonkey would be dead either way, because there's no way I'm going to pay $48 a year to blog. However, what I did not expect was that the life of Xanga 1 would be extended until the end of August. This, of course, changes things now that we all get another month of free blogging.

I was seriously thinking about staying true to my original plan of retiring from blogging, but seeing Xanga 1 in such pathetic shape is depressing. Seriously, 2-3 hours can pass in between my newsfeed activity where nothing happens. I knew it would be bad after 7/31, but I didn't think it would be this bad.

I love Xanga, but I do not support Xanga 2, nor do I trust the Xanga Team. Yet, I also don't want to punish the things I love and clump them together with the things I hate. Therefore, for the sake of my blogging home that I've known for 10 years, I will continue to blog as long as it is operational. Because Xanga 1 doesn't deserve to die this way.

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Deus Ex Machina

August 8, 2013, 2:08 pm

≫ Next: Sometimes Relationships Are Like This

≪ Previous: Coolmonkey Returns

In storytelling, there is the cardinal sin known as "Deus Ex Machina." In Greek, it literally means "God from the machine." In ancient plays, they used to lower an actor down onto the stage with a machine who would conveniently resolve all conflict as a God. This convention is frowned upon because the story is not resolved by the skill, resourcefulness, or experiences of the characters. Instead, it relies on an outside force that happens randomly or way too conveniently. This essentially makes the whole story a waste of time because the characters mean nothing in the end. All the time spent to develop and grow the protagonist(s) is sacrificed for a lazy plot device.

This is essentially what happened with Xanga 2. Although the Xanga Team and its supporters were victorious in getting their relaunch, it is a hollow one at best. The relaunch is happening not, because of the protagonists, but because the Xanga Gods decided to descend at the final second to make it so. It was the Xanga Gods that first pushed the 7/15 deadline to 7/31, and it was They, again, that pushed it from 7/31 to 8/31 while shaving off $10,000 from the fundraising goal. Had there not been Deus Ex Machina, Xanga would have died. Twice.

I never said the fundraiser wouldn't work, but I have been saying that, even if it did, it would only be a stay of execution. It would be like selling the house to pay for another year of life support. The current Xanga dystopia is exactly what I predicted where there has been mass abandonment and zero blog activity. To those that stood by and enabled the Xanga Team's decisions, is this the way you imagined Xanga 2?

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Sometimes Relationships Are Like This

August 13, 2013, 5:48 pm

≫ Next: Dildo

≪ Previous: Deus Ex Machina

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Dildo

August 19, 2013, 5:00 pm

≫ Next: The Dildo Test

≪ Previous: Sometimes Relationships Are Like This

Just wanted to see how far up Top Blogs "dildo" would get me.

Rec!

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The Dildo Test

August 22, 2013, 9:10 am

≫ Next: The Long Xanga Death Scene

≪ Previous: Dildo

A couple days ago, I did a dildo test and it managed to peak at #3 on Top Blogs and #1 in Recommended Blogs. I didn't have any pictures or any substantial writing. This confirmed a few things about the current state of Xanga:

1) There's nobody left. Even TheTheologianscafe is gone, leaving a permanent void in Top Blogs. So many writers have vanished that pretty much anyone or anything can reach the once coveted front page spots. Even one that simply said "Dildo."

My question is, where are all the Xanga 2 cheerleaders now? What happened to all that XangaForever or We Are Xanga? You got what you wanted to pay $48 a year for, and now you do...nothing?

2) There is nobody watching us. In the past, a post titles "Dildo" might have been at least screened by someone on the Xanga Team, but not anymore. It's as if we are children left alone in the house with our parents gone for the the weekend.

Therefore, I'm just going to dick around here. Literally.